Don't mistaken my anxiousness for bossiness
23rd February 2018
Days like today are the ones that make me feel like trash. I just cannot understand myself. Just as I thought I am capable, I broke down all of a sudden. I had to call my younger brother and commanded him to come all the way to the my location, in front of a bank and a street of food stalls, just to accompany me. Talk about being independent.
I stood in the lobby of the bank with all eyes on me, searching for the enquiry counter to get a number. I freaked out as I could not find the counter and the workers would not reply to my question. I felt unwanted, uncomfortable and small. I stumbled my way out of the bank and waited for my brother to arrive.
I am the worst liar. I sounded so sure when I stepped out of the house. And in less than half an hour, he had to see me fragile and weak.
I can never blame others for my distress. Banks have strict regulations and procedures to follow, the workers must turn me down, even though I was lost as I did not follow the exact order. I understand. Anyone can be a fraud and security is the utmost priority.
I am useless. My little brother is admirable. He coped with my stupid, unwarranted worries and insecurities better than how I can handle my own self. Yet, I still direct him to do things according to my agendas at times like this.
Maybe I am supposed to end up drowning in my own dismay.
Days like today are the ones that make me feel like trash. I just cannot understand myself. Just as I thought I am capable, I broke down all of a sudden. I had to call my younger brother and commanded him to come all the way to the my location, in front of a bank and a street of food stalls, just to accompany me. Talk about being independent.
I stood in the lobby of the bank with all eyes on me, searching for the enquiry counter to get a number. I freaked out as I could not find the counter and the workers would not reply to my question. I felt unwanted, uncomfortable and small. I stumbled my way out of the bank and waited for my brother to arrive.
I am the worst liar. I sounded so sure when I stepped out of the house. And in less than half an hour, he had to see me fragile and weak.
I can never blame others for my distress. Banks have strict regulations and procedures to follow, the workers must turn me down, even though I was lost as I did not follow the exact order. I understand. Anyone can be a fraud and security is the utmost priority.
I am useless. My little brother is admirable. He coped with my stupid, unwarranted worries and insecurities better than how I can handle my own self. Yet, I still direct him to do things according to my agendas at times like this.
Maybe I am supposed to end up drowning in my own dismay.
Comments
Post a Comment