Think, Christy! Think!

I know that my body will always be my biggest insecurity. I am never gonna let go of it. There will always be something I will try to lose. Always something to hide or dislike for a short-term. But I have come to terms with it, and normalize what I thought was a negative notion. It's not a masochist move. It's about accepting that I am vulnerable. Intermittent fasting was my first move towards it. But soon after I started it, I realized that style of eating was far from realistic for me. I am a student, and cannot possibly eat in a short span of time, then fast for long hours, as my schedule is pretty much controlled by the authorities. It was fun to eat whatever I want, and not gaining any weight from it. But that was the thing. Intermittent fasting still made me too unhealthily conscious on timing, food intakes, and my body weight. Another day with a disordered mind, I sat down with a plate of food and stared at it for a few minutes. I judged the proportion, ...

I'm not sure if this is ever a problem to anyone. I can't seem to be able to eat intuitively. After almost memorising all about food and their calories, my mind automates to calculate every single bite I take. I don't think it's normal to sit on a lunch table, and argue with myself on why I am not able to consume any kind of food and beverage for the day. 'No, you've already eaten approximately 1000 calories so far and it's only 3pm', 'You still have to go back home and eat dinner, which is roughly another 300 calories'. And I'll be sitting there, watching everyone having their second lunch. I am not purposefully preventing myself to listen to my body. I just can't seem to undo all my knowledge on nutrition and calories of my head. I WANT to eat however my body feels like it should be consuming, as perhaps my body needs more food sometimes. To grow taller or to combat a foreign cell that I am not consciously aware of.  And, I do feel ...

I love food diary videos and blog entries. I always have. My passion of educating myself about food existed ever since forever. Diet and nutrition books was actually one of my favourite genres to read when I was little, as my mother used to have an array of them (in Mandarin) on her bookshelves. It was even to the point that I considered pursuing into becoming a nutritionist (and I also wanted to become an architect). But, of course, that didn't happen, as I now know that I am not meant to be in a science-y field. As I am typing this here, I coincidentally read a comment on a video that states that the Youtuber is eating too little calories and her video will trigger people to develop an eating disorder. [Speechless Moment] I understand where the person who commented is coming from. As a person who have experienced distorted thoughts on food, I can see why it is triggering. Especially when someone is on a really low calorie diet, or related to weight loss. Let me just get s...