Think, Christy! Think!

'Hey, it looks like you have gained weight.' All my life, my family only taught me one thing about bodies. They must be proportionate, skinny yet fit, to be appealing. My family members judged celebrities' and movie actresses' body shapes constantly, making remarks, such as 'She's better looking now since she has lost weight' or 'What happened to her? She used to be so pretty when she was skinnier'. I didn't have a problem with my body weight and size when I was younger. I was always the 'ideal' body shape. Average height, slim figure and dainty limbs. I received compliments from parents all the time, saying that I had the (somehow) perfect outer appearance and other bullshit. It wasn't something I was ever vain about either. I could wear anything that was an S size in a clothing shop and my figure would be able to pull it off effortlessly. Good times. If you have read my other body dysmorphia related posts, you would know what ...

When I think about it, my insecurities were, and still are rooted by the trends. Just like the most of you, my life is practically evolved around social media, and the Internet in general. Everything that I do, even the littlest one, are all influenced by this integrated platform. We are bound to scroll pass any article related to fitness and body, inevitably. Body trends have existed since Ancient Greece. Idealizing a certain type of body isn't something that we humans are unfamiliar of. That trending body type represents our wealth and social status. It shapes our perspective of a 'healthy body' and the way we perceive attractiveness. At 2014, the thigh gap was all the hype. It was just when my hormones were raging, my body was going through changes. Every PE textbook told me the physical signs of puberty, but no one has ever taught how to deal with it emotionally. I went through a traumatic experience to adjust to my new (slightly more curvy) body. I remember think...

We all have something we would love to open up. It's probably something good and enlightening, or a past that we feel constricted to even mention a snippet of it. Everyone takes a different length of time to warm up, go through catharsis and disclose their subject. I am revealing this to a part of the Internet, but, I have yet to tell my own family members about my problem. I learnt about body dysmorphia disorder after I had written this entry. I didn't even know what to label it at that time. I was 16 then, I am turning 18 now. I was 14 when it all started.  Many people on the Internet have been disclosing this topic pretty recently, it made me happy. It's always a relief to know that you can relate to someone. But, the rise and fame of the subject created more controversies and doubts from others. So, for a long time, I said nothing about my issue, as I avoided being called an 'attention-seeker' by people. That was such a stupid thought. I feel awfully ...