TURNING UP THE VOLUME!

Growing up, I had been an extremely soft speaker. I remember teachers and elders would scrunch their eyebrows and lean their ears towards me whenever I had squeaked out an inaudible of mumble of answer. That doesn't happen to me anymore. Instead, I have to attempt to lower down my voice when I am talking to them.

“What I hate about Christy the most?” One of my friends repeated the question in a The Answer Is Simple tone. “That's easy! It's the fact that I can barely hear anything she ever says.” Based on true experience. Through years of being told that I have a quiet voice, the statement did not offend me a single bit. It was a part of me that I accepted, though it annoyed some others. I embraced my gentle vocal anatomy, and I was even proud enough to say that it contributed to my innocently dumb and ignorant, Snow White-esque nature at that time.

And then, college came along, rolling in endless assignments, group-works and presentations. It was not a problem for me. I loved the busy tasks and academic challenges given. Whilst having face-to face group interactions and accomplishing each and every presentation in front of the noisy classroom, my voice box went through a sudden growth spurt. It shocked me when I realized how loud and clear my ‘normal-speaking’ voice has become - definitely caused from wanting my ideas to be heard in a discussion and raising my voice for my points to be heard across the presentation hall.

The rest of it is like an real life adaptation to an episode in Adventure Time, when Jake was trying to adjust into his new (well, his biological) alien body. Much to the ease and delight to the people around me, I had a really hard time adjusting to my new volume when I talk. It diverts people’s concentration in the public. Eyes lay on me when I start a speech. I am not able to slither out and get away with a mutter of sarcasm to the elders, without my words being too clear and audible. Suddenly, I am receiving an attention from the crowd, that I thought my voice was never capable of doing.

(Being a female, it was weird to go through a ‘voice change’.)

Has it changed my outlook to others? I think the answer is ‘Yes’. Loud and clear voices tend to be associated with strong and influential characters. People that have known me before my transition think that I have built some confidence or became more extroverted - which isn't actually true, I must say. My trachea just expanded and that's about it.  

To quickly conclude this - Loud voice. Soft voice. Neither of them are good or bad traits. They both have their pros and cons, though some people may have preferences and opinions to debate. Attempting to end this in a positive note - I am still on the road of adjust and regulate my volume when I speak. I should also learn that I should just be happy that I have a healthily functioning vocal anatomy and it doesn’t matter however my voice has changed or will change in the future. Yet, I still must admit. I do miss my younger little voice.

Have any of you experienced this before? Or, are some of you going through this?